To Say Goodbye
by francesfides
Summary: Tony waited for acceptance to come to him, but it never came.
1. Chapter 1

**To Say Goodbye**

**A/N: Oh haaaaaaayyyyy! This is my first fic, and it's going to be a songfic. I was randomly deleting songs from my playlist and I found this song. It's called "To Say Goodbye" by an American Country duo Joey + Rory. I don't listen to much country music but once in a while I find singers / bands that have the ability to draw out raw emotions like only country music can. **

**Disclaimed.**

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><p><em>Cause she wants to put her arms around his neck,<em>_  
><em>_And look in his eyes so blue,__  
><em>_And say Honey I don't regret,__  
><em>_A single day I spent with you,__  
><em>_She wants to tell him that she loves him so,__  
><em>_And will until the day she dies,__  
><em>_It ain't that she can't let him go,__  
><em>_She just wants to say goodbye_

Tony smiled at himself in the mirror, as his hands worked his way up to his hair and brushed it. There was something about today that ensured him that today was going to be a good day. Maybe it's the sun shining brightly through the clear blue clouds. Maybe it's the smell of the air; that he had missed the past five days due to the heavy downpours that hit DC. Or maybe it's because he was just excited about today. He spent one last second in front of the mirror, checking himself out. _Hey, DiNozzos got to look good._

He walked over to the coat stand, and contemplated on which coat he was going to put on. He decided on the black one, with white buttons. He smiled as a memory flashed in his mind. He remembered the day he had let her borrow his coat, because hers had gotten wet after a suspect had wrestled her into the pool. Of course, she refused the gesture, saying she was not cold. But Tony had already made it his personal mission that he would have Ziva use his jacket by the time they reach the car, thermal underwear or not. _DiNozzos never get turned down._

Tony closed the door behind him, not bothering to lock it. Yes, he had taken after Gibbs. Tony had stopped locking his doors after he misplaced his keys one day and had to use a pin to break it. A neighbor who had just moved in a couple weeks back thought he was trying to break in and called on the cops. The scene was settled after 5 minutes after the cops had confirmed he truly was the _very _Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo Jr and he _does_ live in that house. He contemplated following McGee's suggestion to install a 'very high-tech' security device, but he went against it. And of course, never in his right mind would he accept Abby's suggestion of putting up skeletons and coffins to scare potential thieves away_. DiNozzo men were known to be simple and accepting. Whatever happens, happens. It is what it is._

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><p>Tony spent the drive to his destination singing along to Frank Sinatra's CDs that he had in his car. He had Sinatra's entire collection, and remembered the lyrics to most of the songs. It was fascinating. For a guy who didn't do too well in memorizing bones and muscle functions in college for his Physical Ed major, he sure had the knack in memorizing song lyrics and movie lines. Everyone wondered how Tony was able to do such seemingly un-doable actions. Tony himself wasn't surprised though. Ever since young, he had always had an eye for detail, something young Tony really detested. He didn't want to remember the details of his upbringing; right from his mother's death to when his father had sent him away to boarding school. He was about to get emotional as the song '<em>My Way'<em> began playing, before he forced himself to snap out of it. There was no way Sinatra was going to dampen the mood today. Just this once, not today.

Tony walked up a small hill that revealed a hut, similar to those found in beach resorts, to where his friends were. "Hi guys! Where's Abs and McGee?" he asked as he settled on the seat next to Ziva. Gibbs and Ziva were silent. Tony looked to Ducky for instant answers. He was Ducky, after all.

"Ducky, is McLate going to be here? He told me he was going to come! And Abby said she was going to be here too!" Tony remarked with hints of disappointment.

Ducky hesitated, as if thinking of a better way to formulate a response, before replying, _"My dear Anthony, I don't think they would be here anytime soon. They ran into some…problems I'm sure you will be meeting with Timothy and Abigail again, later on. In the meantime, please, let's have lunch. Jethro and Ziva have been waiting for you." _

Ziva knew Tony wasn't going to buy Ducky's explanation and felt that it was her turn to _butt_ in (yes, she actually got that right). She turned her head towards him and gave her one of her widest smiles. She reached for his hand and started drawing circles the way she knew would calm him down.

As if it was magic, the soothing gesture worked. Tony was immediately focused on her, watching her, taking in her presence. Tony noticed Ziva had the same dress she had on when they were in Paris working undercover. She had let her hair fall loosely on her back, just the way Tony liked it. Tony watched Ziva's eyes as it gleamed with happiness and serenity, a look Tony noticed she had been sporting often. He was about to gush on how beautiful she looked when Gibbs called out, _"You two, eye sex or not, can we have lunch now?" _Tony rolled his eyes and turned his head towards their boss. "Eye sex?" Tony questioned pretending to be oblivious. This time it was Gibbs turn to roll his eyes. "_DiNozzo, don't make me regret I let the two of you break Rule 12." _Gibbs barked pretending to be annoyed. The sound of Rule 12 made Tony jolt up in his seat. It had taken Ziva and himself a lot of manipulating and planned maneuvering to convince Gibbs that they were not going to screw each other over.

"Sorry boss, no eye sex again…(when you're around boss.)"

For the next hour or so Ducky, Gibbs, Tony and Ziva had lunch together. Normally they would be caught dead sitting around the same table over lunch. Maybe Tony with Ziva and Ducky with Gibbs, but not Tony, Ziva, AND Ducky AND Gibbs. As dysfunctional as it is, to an ordinary observer, they could easily pass off as family, and Tony loved the thought of that. Tony took leaned back on his seat, arms on his side, to watch his family. His heart was warm, and he was genuinely happy. 'I guess this is what true happiness feels like,' he thought.

"…_And then I asked Tony if he was having phone sex and he pressed the speaker button off to reveal that no one was on the line. Gibbs, clearly he was fantasizing about Kate's dead body! Is there a rule against that?" _Ziva questioned in between laughter. She had one hand in her stomach; the other was wiping away tears of laughter beginning to form in her eyes. The sight of Ziva being so blissful was too much of a scene to take in that Tony felt like he was about to cry. When he was young, he remembers his Mom teaching him something about happiness is seeing your loved ones happy. He never believed his Mom up till now. Tony felt a sting in his heart as the memory of his Mom was brought up. He never really got over how his Mom had died, and it truly pained him to know that she wasn't here to see how happy her son was now. She would have been so proud. 'If only Mom, if only…' He said to himself as he closed his eyes shut, hoping that his eye ducts would not overflow with the sudden surge of his emotions he was feeling.

"Dah-veed, haven't I told you not to share that with anyone else? It is…classified information, you know." Tony said pretending to be hurt. Ziva narrowed her eyes, "_Reaaaallly?" _As if on impulse Tony replied, "No."

Ziva smiled remembering this exact scene. Both of them were in the bullpen one Friday night watching The Black Pirate.

"_Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?__"__  
><em>_"__It is just a movie, Tony.__"__  
><em>_"__How dare you?__ …__Is Mickey just a mouse? Ringling Brothers just a circus?__"__  
><em>_"Yes.__"__  
><em>_"__Well, you see, that's why you don't have any friends.__"__  
><em>_"I do have friends!"  
>"Really? Then what are you doing with me, watching a movie on a Friday night at work? Huh?<br>__"You are. My. Friend."__  
><em>_"Really?__"__  
><em>_"__No. My date canceled.__"__  
><em>_"__Mine, too.__"_

Ziva gave a hearty smile. She couldn't remember exactly how all _this _(whatever you call it)had amounted to _this _(whatever _this _is). Never in her entire life had she pictured herself to be wiping away tears of joy, as she shared stories. Ziver Dah-veed (yes, she made it a point to pronounce it that way), the leader of the Assassination Unit, at the age of 20, was known for her ruthless ways. She was known to be at the top of the 'leaderboard' (if it's humanely right to call it that way) for having the most successful targeted assassinations; for her rock-solid exterior, with an infamous death stare. She was born, no—more like bred, to be the ruthless killer, the ultimate weapon, or as her father had always called her 'The Sharp End of the Spear.' But things soon changed when she met Jenny. In that split second between allowing her Mossad operatives to rape a captive foreign operative and killing all three of them, she found herself a new life. Yes, she was assigned by her father to 'protect' Jenny, to gain her trust so that Mossad could expand its foreign contacts to the United States. But like the way she was assigned to 'remove' Ari, or 'protect Jenny', she performed the cold-blooded killings not because it was an order, but because there was something within the depths of her icy-cold heart that called out to her to do something _right. _And what was that saying about doing the right things and watching it snowball into even bigger, and better things? She truly felt that she earned the new life that she had…and for once she truly felt like she deserved to be happy. _Yes, even if she's just watching. _

Her flashbacks were cut off by a sudden gust of cold wind. "Five minutes." She heard someone say in a low stern voice. The voice sent of a sense of helplessness within her.

She did not bother to turn around, to search the source of the voice. She already knows.

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><p><strong>Please do review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Here's the second installment! I originally wanted to post this as a one-shot fic but I couldn't figure out how to make the ideas work. It is pretty long, so I'll just have to apologize first hand for any errors! Hopefully this turns out better than my first chapter.**

_Previously_

_Her flashbacks were cut off by a sudden gust of cold wind. "Five minutes." She heard someone say in a low, stern voice. The voice sent a sense of helplessness within her._

_She did not bother to turn around, to search the source of the voice. She already knows._

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><p>The hairs on Donald Mallard's back began to stand upon hearing the familiar voice. He too, like Ziva didn't bother to turn around. He knew who it was going to be. The authoritative tone of the voice was enough to throw it off.<p>

He let out a long sigh as if to release the uneasiness he was feeling. He repeated the action a couple more times to see if it was going to work.

It didn't.

_Time indeed flies when you're spending it with the people you love._

Ducky looked up to study his companions. Gibbs' former fatherly expression is now masked with a poker face, a face Ducky knows Gibbs pull out every now and then when he's trying to mask a feeling he's not supposed to be having. Ziva on the other hand was not trying to hide anything. Her tough Mossad slash ninja exterior is now replaced by a look Ducky knows too well. It brings pure pain to Ducky as he observes Ziva. He made his way closer to her, just in case she loses control. But it never happens.

Tony on the other hand seemed genuinely happy. It didn't take another look for Ducky to confirm that the news that Tony was going to be dealt with was going to be hard for the young man. As much as Ducky loved to tell stories, somehow he was grateful that he wasn't the one to have to do so.

In Ducky's eyes, young Anthony had always been the jovial man, the one who lightens the mood, and eases tension when the team is at their wit's end. He was the man whom everyone loved to be friends with. Despite the immature pranks and sometimes tactless jokes, Ducky had always known that young Anthony yearned to be loved. He yearned so much to be loved, that he had no qualms about finding love; thus the numerous dates Anthony went out on. And contrary to what most people thinks, commitment wasn't Anthony's problem. It was the thought of him being unworthy enough for a woman's love, was the main reason Anthony broke off potential relationships. Like the kid at heart that he is, young Anthony is afraid. Ducky traced Tony's mentality to have begun straight after his mother's death. Tony's mom had always showered his son with love, care and concern. So after his mother's death he thought that he was unworthy of anyone's love. And to add salt to the wound, his father would constantly send him away, because his one and only son reminded him too much of his late wife.

To say that NCIS had changed Tony's life for the better would have been a complete understatement. Not only did NCIS change Tony, it also steered Tony's life onto the right path. It made Tony feel like he was making something of his life, something bigger than himself. In here he felt like he belonged. He was home. And once he found a place where he knew he was loved, he sure as hell did all he could do to protect and treasure it. Tough love, as you may call it but he yearns for Gibb's head slaps as a form of reassurance; he would risk suffocation anytime for one of Abby's hugs. He would forgo the thought that Ziva could kill him 18 different ways with a paper clip, and God knows how many ways with a credit card, just so that he could tease her. And as for McGee, well there was nothing much to risk, but he absolutely loved playing pranks on McGee like an older brother would to his younger sibling.

Not many knew but if Ducky was asked who the rock of this MCRT team would be, he would easily place bets on Tony's name (of course Gibbs' wasn't counted). Tony's loyalty to Gibbs is beyond description, which makes Gibbs ease down because he knows that he can trust the young man; Tony toughens McGee up by teaching the younger agent about the real demands of the job. Ducky could bet another dollar that Tony would not have to be asked twice about putting his life in danger to save Abby and himself.

And if all these qualities made Tony an impressive man, the love and devotion he has for Ziva makes him an extraordinary man.

'_Anthony DiNozzo indeed is__**very special.**__'__ Ducky concluded_ before _drifting_ away, taking his thoughts together with him.

"Whoa!" Tony shivered at the sudden gust of wind. "Did you guys feel that?" He exclaimed.

The wind continued making hollow sounds. The leaves rustled as they were dragged on the ground.

"For a while there, I thought someone placed Antarctica on us." Tony continued.

"You know something, I never liked the cold. When I when I was a kid, my mother would make me wear 3 layers of clothing just to keep me warm. I mean three layers! Do you believe that? Not that I didn't mind... for some reason I always ended up shivering on those cold winter nights," he went on.

"What about you Ziva, do you often feel cold? Is there a Mossad secret that they passed down from generations to stop people from feeling cold?" Tony asked, unaware that he was blabbering. For some reason, he felt the urgent need to fill the silence. There was something about in his gut that was telling him something he couldn't put his finger on.

He was about to turn his head to Ziva's direction when his phone beeped. It was McGee. He excused himself from the table.

'Finally!' He thought as he made a mental note to teach McGee a thing or two about punctuality.

"Tim! Where are you? Didn't I tell you today was going to be Ziva's birthday lunch celebration thing? Don't you lie to me and pretend I didn't. Abby was there when I told you about it!" Tony whispered accusingly, so that none of the others, especially Ziva, could hear him. He'd very much still want this party to be a surprise of her.

He heard Tim sigh on the phone and then there was silence. "Something wrong, Tim? You ok?" he asked.

Tim bit his lips as he thought of a better way to respond. This was not going to be easy.

"McGee?" Tony questioned impatiently. He was starting to get worried for his probie. Well technically Ziva was the new probie, but Ziva is um, Ziva. And McGee is and forever will be the king of all probies in his eyes.

Tim held the silence for a few more seconds before replying, "Um…Sorry Tony…I will be right there. Give me 10 minutes. DON'T go anywhere."

"Okay Tim, I'll wait for you up front." Tony assured. Tim's tone was apologetic and sorrowful, and so Tony concluded that something must be wrong. As if to brace for a mental impact, his mind began thinking about the worst case scenarios that could happen. Yes, he learned that approach from Ziva. "Always prepare for the worst, because if you think about the worse, then you'll be better prepared for the devastation," He quoted her with an as a-matter-of-fact tone.

Gibbs watched as Tony excused himself from the table. He knew that it was McGee on the other line, he didn't have to ask. He had already envisioned this scene in his head a thousand times, each time with a different approach, but nothing seemed to work. Nothing about this was ever easy, especially for Tony. It pained him to know that his man, yes _his _man_,_ had to go through this again. Gibbs himself had been through a handful of emotionally taxing situations, but he could easily place the scene that was about to unfold as one of those moments he wished he would never have to be a part of, EVER.

DiNozzo had spent a good number of years with him, and he had always found him entertaining, even if he didn't admit it. DiNozzo was one of the few reasons why Gibbs decided to come back to NCIS after a short hiatus. He felt a _duty_ to Tony. Gibbs felt like he had to be there for him through it all and stick through him like a God damned dog through his ups and downs. Being a marine was a duty that was blended with his blood, watching Tony grow up, screw up, toughen up and man up was a duty sewn in his heart. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle the scene that was going to unfold. He felt helpless and useless. There was really nothing that could have been done, and can be done. So, like the coward that he has had been (especially on the recent years), Gibbs thought of fading away.

And that's exactly what he did.

Ziva swallowed once again to clear the small lump that was beginning to form on her throat. So many thoughts were running in her mind, and she feels like she can't slow them down. She has tried those Mossad tricks she was taught to calm her nerves, but none of them worked. Instead, she cupped her fists and began cracking her knuckles in a last attempt to try calming down her nerves. Right here and then, she wished she had her set of knives or her guns to clean just so that it could keep her from losing her sanity.

She began blinking excessively a couple of times to ensure that she was awake, and not losing her grasp of reality. This time, it made her smile a little. She is indeed losing herself after all. This isn_'t_ reality.

Ziva got up from her seat and turned to look for Gibbs and Ducky. She wasn't disappointed when she came to realize that they managed to slip under her ninja senses and leave. Again she smiled, this time to the term 'ninja.'

'_Are you crazy?'_ Ziva questioned herself out aloud, not bothering if anyone could hear her.

Great. Now she was losing her sanity AND talking to herself.

Out of nowhere, Ziva began hearing faint sounds of 'tick-tocks' from a clock, somewhere. But instead of searching for one, she began quickening her pace to find Tony. There was something about this scenario that was making Ziva nervous.

Ziva spotted Tony down the hill, waiting at the entrance of the gated hut. He was leaning onto the small gate that encircled the tiny compound. His breathing was calm, but his eyebrows were tied up in a knot. After much difficulty and a little cursing in Hebrew, Ziva finally reached the bottom of the trail.

"A…quarter for your thoughts?" Ziva asked as she hugged Tony from behind. Ziva purposely got that idiom wrong so that she could get her man's attention.

"Penny, Ziva. The term is Penny." Tony corrected. He smiled as Ziva tilted her head to the right, to throw him a questionable glance. He considers explaining to her what he meant but decided against it. Instead, focused on the hug that Ziva was giving him. The hug was rather possessive and almost as tight as one of Abby's hugs. It made him feel all warm and loved inside but there was something on the back of his head that made him want to question the purpose of it.

"Never mind. What brings you here?" He finally asked, turning around slowly so that now he could watch Ziva for the slightest bit of reaction she was going to show. He shifted his weight on his right leg, and leaned on the metal gate. He winced as one of his bones produced a small cracking sound. Other than the less defined wrinkles, time truly hadn't been very gracious on him.

Ziva leaned on him, remembering not to place her weight on Tony's left leg. She began playing with the golden buttons sewn on Tony's coat. She feels Tony's fingers make a loop on her back, and drew her closer in one move. She watched as Tony gave him one of his trademark smiles. Somehow, despite the fact that her heart was racing, she felt her shoulders ease, as she returned Tony's hug.

_Tick tock. Tick tock._

Tony could have sworn he heard the sound of clocks ticking.

_Tick tock. Tick tock._

Ziva's pulse sky rocketed. In a swift move, she pulled away from Tony's arms.

"You're giving me that look." Tony voiced out after a few seconds. He could recognize that look from anywhere. It was a look Ziva often had when she felt conflicted. Tony wondered what was on Ziva's mind that could have her feeling so confused. All he wanted to do is her make her happy, and it annoyed him to know that something was bothering her. There was another pause of silence and so Tony began reaching out, frantically.

"Come on Ziva." Tony finally said, half worried, half terrified. He was practically begging, begging for her to tell him her problems. At least he could try to fix them.

Ziva shrugged, and began walking backwards slowly _"No Tony. I am fine. Really."_ She made it a point to at least sound assuring.

Tony pushed himself off the gate and stood on his own two feet, instantly earning himself a rush of vertigo. He wanted to close his eyes, but he didn't. Somehow he didn't like the thought of Ziva disappearing from his sight, even for mere seconds. He regained his composure and quickened his pace to catch up with her.

"Then why are you telling me that you are fine. Usually I don't have to ask, I already know that you're fine." Tony argued. "…And why are you walking backwards…away from me? Usually if you wanted to go, you would have turned around and ran. So please tell me what's wrong. I promise I'll try my best to fix it."

_Tick tock tick tock._

'Screw this clock!' Tony yelled in his mind. This clock was getting loud and persistent. It made him feel like he was losing time. He made a mental note to whip out his gun and shoot the moment he sees this clock.

"_Do you really want me to turn around Tony? Because you know I would if you asked."_ Ziva answered quietly, trying to hold back tears. She took a few more breaths, and blinked away tears that were threatening to fall. And then finally she let go. _'This is it. No turning back now,' she told herself._

"_Tell me…tell me what to do, Tony. Tell me how I should be telling you this. Tell me how I should start. Should I__ just go straight in telling__ you? Should I? Or should I just leave…just leave you hanging? Tell me what to do…because as much as it breaks my heart to know that I won't be able to see you again, it kills me to see how much you'__re suffering." _Ziva said.

As soon as she was done with her sentences, she immediately felt a pang of regret. There was always an easier way to go about doing this, and this was not one of them. She could feel Tony's eyes observing her. She could tell he was confused, and unsure of what was happening. She just wanted to run to him, and throw him a hug, but she didn't. She couldn't

_Tick tock. Tick tock. _

'_Fuck this clock!' Tony hissed._He was trying to piece up the pieces of information that Ziva had just spewed out, and this clock that was ticking away was clearly of no help in calming down his nerves. He just wanted to run away, and grab Ziva along with him. Wherever, it doesn't matter.

When Ziva was sure Tony's mind was beginning to catch up with what she was trying to say, she continued again, this time her voice was gentle and low, _"I can handle, I__ can handle pain__ Tony. __I can handle all these. __But when it comes to you…I-I-I see you, __and __I watch you struggle. And I __just, I just __fall apart."_

Tony swallowed the lump that was formed on his throat. _'I just fall apart.' _ With that sentence, Tony felt his knees shake. He heard one final set of tick tocks before his vision swirled and everything else turned black. He began screaming in desperation, calling out Ziva's name. But to no avail. Ziva was gone. She had drifted away. HE stopped screaming, he stopped running, and he stopped trying altogether. All he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and never wake up again.

"TONY! TONY!" Tim screamed in desperation as he gently shook Tony. His shaking gradually became weaker once Tim noticed Tony's eyes open.

Tony didn't speak. Of all people that he wanted to see, Tim was the last person on his list. But just to ensure that he wasn't seeing things; Tony reached out his arm and punched Tim's cheeks. He felt the impact. Indeed Tim was real.

"Geez Tony, for a man nearing your 70s, you sure still have a heavy hand." Tim whispered softly. He didn't want to startle Tony. The last thing that he wanted to was to make send Tony into panic mode.

Tim rubbed his cheek, and used his tongue to check if he had broken any of his dentures. A set of false teeth is expensive. But before Tim could begin a mental calculation of how much he had to pay to get his teeth fixed—if he needed to—he felt Tony sit up. Now clearly WASN'T the time to be thinking about false teeth.

"Ziva! Did you see Ziva?" Tony questioned frantically, as soon as he came to.

Tim watched as his older friend slash brother stood up, not bothering to dust his pants off. It still baffled the younger man how Tony was so agile despite him being a couple of years older than he was. Tim himself began standing up.

"DID. YOU. SEE. ZIVA? She was running towards the hut. Did you see her make her way up?" Tony asked again, because he was unsure if Tim had heard him.

Tim rolled his eyes, unsure of how to phrase his words. Every year, he found himself having the same problem. Every year since after Ziva's death, Tim had always found himself at the secluded hut at the cemetery where Ziva, Gibbs and Ducky were buried. Every year he sees Tony clad in his favorite suit, and black coat, telling him that it was Ziva's favorite outfit. Every year he faces a distraught Tony who claims to have spent the entire day celebrating Ziva's birthday. Every year he listens patiently to Tony's frantic description of how his 12th of November went; how he spent the day slow-dancing with Ziva and sharing stories with Gibbs and Ducky. Every year, he climbs the path up the hut to hear Tony explain how Ziva, Ducky and Gibbs were just there having lunch with him a couple of hours back, and that they were indeed there.

It was sad how it had to come to this. Truthfully it breaks Tim's heart to see how much agony Tony has to go through. He feels even worse to know that there is absolutely nothing he could do about it, except be his punching bag and take all the blows he was going to give.

"Tony, let's go back." Tim whispered.

Tim could have sworn Tony shot him a glare almost as frightening as Ziva's and Gibbs'. "What do you mean go back? It's Ziva's birthday, and I'm not leaving without her!" With that, Tony began climbing the steps up the hill towards the hut. With each step he took, he called out Ziva's name, disregarding the fact that his knee was about to give way anytime. Tim just quietly covered Tony's six. There was no way he was going to pick a fight with an angry Tony, in a flight of stairs up a hill. Instead, Tim took the time to think about what he was going to say Tony when they reach the hut, to find no one there. That whatever he was had been experiencing was a lie.

When Tim finally reached the top, and entered the hut, Tony was already on his knees, trembling.

"No one's here Tony." Tim whispered with every hint of remorse in his voice.

"…but they were just here, Tim! I swear they were here! I had lunch with all of them! Ducky talked about his days before he met Gibbs and-and Ziva talked about the first time she met me, you know, right-right after Kate was killed. And Gibbs…Gibbs didn't say much, but he was here, Tim. I know he was there. He was laughing, and-and he was…he was enjoying himself, Tim. He was! We were all happy." Tony cried. By now Tim himself was also struggling to fight the tears. He could only imagine how Tony felt. No man should ever have to go through this. Some people say death sets a soul free, i guess they never thought about the people death leaves behind. Losing a loved one does not set you free; it makes you fear that you're in this world alone. And that was what Tony is feeling.

"No Tony, they weren't here. You were just thinking that they were here. No one came, Tony. Look, the food that you set up on the table is still untouched. No one was here, Tony." Tim explained, trying to be as gentle as possible. To prove his point, he pointed towards the table.

Tony began shaking his head frantically, still unable to accept the fact that whatever happened had just been a dream. He wasn't crazy, and he knew it. "No, Tim. No! Fucking hell no!"

Tim watched Tony's body language and decided that it was time he should tell him the truth. He swallowed the small lump on his throat, before he began explaining in a low voice, "Tony. Ducky passed away 20 years ago. He died peacefully in his home, out of old age. He was 97 years old. We buried him in this hut..."

_Tony watched as Jimmy recorded the last bit of information and jotted it down in his notepad. Everyone was sobbing, crying, or was on the verge of tears. Tony's eyes laid on Abby, who was being comforted by Tim. She was still sobbing uncontrollably, even though it wasn't as bad as before. Ziva was mourning quietly, as she had her hand on her chin, ready to wipe away the tears that would stream down her cheeks. Gibbs, who stood close to Jimmy, was quiet and was the most stable out of everyone else. He stood there, listening to details Jimmy was blurting out, trying to distract himself from the real grief of losing a true friend. Everyone else was taken aback. Ducky was like a father to everyone else, he cared about everyone deeply, and treated everyone with respect. No one actually ever thought about how life would be different without him around. _

"Abby and I, we never got married, but we had a kid. Her name's Tammy. Named her after myself and Abby. When she was eight, she was kidnapped, and was beaten by a baseball bat. She never recovered, and she died a week after we found her…"

_Tim wrapped his arms around Abby, as the priest began reading his last prayers. Abby just stared at the coffin, and thought about the lifeless body that contained it. Her makeup was still intact. In fact, she hadn't shed a tear, and the team was beginning to get worried. They knew that Abby was trying her best to keep herself sane, and it won't be soon before long that she breaks down. All of them watched as the casket was lowered onto the ground. It wasn't only after Ziva looked at Abby and offered to give the grieving woman a hug that Abby broke down. She ran up to Ziva's arms and cried, and cried. She cried until her voice began to turn hoarse. She cried till her nose hurt from all the sniffing. She cried till she had no tears left to cry. She mumbled words that were incoherent; she began spitting out curse words that no one would expect to come out of her mouth. She started throwing punches at Ziva, something which the latter graciously took without complaint. Abby cried for two hours straight as Ziva hugged, offered sweet words and consoled her. Nobody left, they just watched quietly as the women mourned. _

"…Gibbs retired nineteen years ago, and you became in charge of the MCRT. You became the boss, I was the Senior Field agent, and Ziva grew out of her probationary agent status and became a permanent Special Agent. We never hired anyone to fill the empty seat. It was just the three of us, with Abby and Jimmy. We were invincible. I know we made Gibbs proud."

_The whole room was quiet. Everyone was just watching as Gibbs turned over his cellphone, his badge and his gun to Tony. "DiNozzo, I trust you." Everyone watched as Tony shot him an uneasy look. "You are good enough, all you have to do is believe you can do it. I never gave you all that head slaps for nothing, ya know." Tony smiled and rubbed the back of his head, "Um, thanks boss?" _

"_Come here Abby," Gibbs said as he opened his arms wide enough for Abby to accept the hug. "I'm going to miss you Gibbs! I promise, I'll write you a post card every day! Well, maybe not every day but I'll make sure you know every bit of detail that's been happening. I'll report to you if Tony and Ziva are playing grab-ass in the office. I'll write to you about the stories Jimmy tell his dead bodies. I'll write to you if McGee and I ever have problems. And I promise I will write to you too if the vending machine in the break room decides to stop serving Caf-pows!" Abby assured Gibbs as she smiled with tears streaming down her cheeks._

_Gibbs turned around to Tim, "Tim. Tony has done an awesome job in gearing you up for the Senior Field Agent post. As much as I'm proud of him, I'm also very proud that you stepped up to the challenge. You are a good agent, Tim. Never let DiNozzo, or anyone for that matter, tell you otherwise. Everyone has their own strengths, and I just want to thank you for making this team THE best of the best with your excellent computer skills. You're the only one I trust to protect MTAC. Protect it with your heart." Tim smiled and promised Gibbs. Never had he been more proud of his achievements his entire life. No amount of certificates or trophies can compare to words of praise coming from Gibbs himself. "Don't forget to take care of Abby, too." Gibbs finished_

_Last but not least, Gibbs walked up to Ziva and patted her head. "You've been a good girl, Ziver. I'm so proud of how far you've come. I don't even know how where to start. Your loyalty to this country, this team, and to myself has been outstanding. If anyone decides to say otherwise, I'll personally take my M24, and hunt them down." Ziva smiled. She was really trying her best not to shed a tear, and Gibbs' words were not helping at all. "Take care of DiNozzo. I appoint you the privilege of giving him head slaps when he deserves it." Gibbs instructed quietly._

_Roughly a minute of silence passed by before Gibbs spoke again, this time facing the entire team. The team that he led for almost 20 years. "You know, I've said it once before, and I think I'll say it again. I am proud of all of you. And now, DiNozzo, I give you the task of leading this team. I know you'll do an excellent job. You have done one heck of a job backing me up. You taught Ziva how to control her 'talents', and use to it her advantage. And McGee? He owes most of the things he knows about field work to you. I am proud of you, son. You will be a great leader. Now, it is about time I leave and lock myself in my basement where I'll just drink my bourbon and build my boats." With that, Gibbs gave Tony a warm hug. Waved goodbye to everybody else and took his last trip down the elevator._

"15 years ago, Jimmy and Breena had a baby boy. His name was Kayne, and he would often come visit us in the office."

"_Mighty Mouse!" Kayne exclaimed to Ziva, as the little kid showed Ziva Tony's stapler. "Does Uncle Tony know that you have his Mighty Mouse stapler?" Ziva asked. As soon as she finished her question, Kayne put his index finger to Ziva's lips, "Shhh, Uncle Tony __donno__!__ He was talking to Uncle Timmy when I __took it from his table.__" Ziva pretended to be amused. _

"_Oh no!" She exclaimed before tickling Kayne on his sides. Kayne began fighting back by attempting to tickle Ziva, but each time he tried, Ziva was always one step ahead of him. It wasn't long till he finally squealed in between laughter, "I give up Auntie Ziva. I s'rrender! I s'rrender!"_

"…Just like Ducky, Gibbs died of old age too, 12 years ago. We buried him right here too, next to Ducky."

_Gibb's funeral was small and private, unlike Ducky's. It only consisted of whom Gibbs considered 'immediate family.' In attendance was Leyla and Ameera, Vance, Jimmy, Abby, McGee, Ziva and Tony himself. Other than the 21 gun salute that the marines gave, there entire ceremony was solemn. Tony could have sworn that if he had listened close enough, he could hear everyone's breathing. After the funeral, the team was shocked beyond belief when a lawyer dropped by to read them Gibb's will. It turned out that Gibbs had left them all with farewell gifts. By the time of his death, he had made 4 boats. One for Ameera and Leyla, one for Vance's family; one for Abby and Tim; and one for Ziva and himself. In addition to that, he each wrote them a hand-written letter saying how much he had loved them all, like his own family. _

McGee gave Abby a small nod when he saw her enter the hut. Her eyes immediately focused on Tony who was on fours, on the floor. She mouthed, "How is he coping?" As if on cue, Tony looked up and asked quietly, "And Ziva? What happened to Ziva?"

Abby threw Tim a warning look. They have already spoken to each other about this and agreed to exclude Ziva's story from the past. Usually Tony manages to force the story out of their mouths, and today was no different. Tony threw a glare at Tim, who avoided eye contact.

Abby sighed as she watched Tony. "I guess this year won't be any different. Tell him, Timmy."

Tim observed Abby for a couple of seconds, just to make sure she was sure of what she said. The aftermath of Tony remembering that happened to Ziva was never a pretty sight. Tim just wanted to ensure Abby was ready for it. He sighed again, this was never easy.

"Ziva…she uh…Abby and Breena, Jimmy's wife, was held hostage once by a drug lord were pursuing. Ziva, she went behind protocol, and rescued both Abby and Breena. They were all about to escape the house when gun fire erupted. She tried to protect Breena, and was shot on her stomach. Due to complications, she was in the hospital for almost a month. You made it a point to visit her every day. I guess that's when you finally told her that you loved her. A month or so later, you two began dating." Tim recalled, watching Tony's movements. His breathing was normal, but his head was facing the ground, and it was hard to read his expressions.

"How did she die, McGee?" Tony questioned impatiently.

This time Abby answered, "Around 14 years ago, you and Ziva were following up a lead when the both of you were ambushed. Ziva received a gunshot wound to her stomach, around the same place where she was shot trying to protect us, trying to cover your six. She survived, but things got complicated and she was often rushed in and out of the emergency room. Three weeks later, she died of complications." Abby stammered with guilt. She walked to Tony, and lead him to the three stones that were erected towards the back of the hut. "This is where we buried her Tony. Together with Ducky, and Gibbs."

Abby and Tim watched as Tony quietly dragged his fingers around the engraved names on the stones, as if trying to remember everything that lead to their deaths. When he got to Ziva's stone, Tony paused and read the message it said. 'Ziva David-DiNozzo: Friend. Sister. Daughter. Wife. Partner. Ninja.'

'A ninja indeed,' Tony whispered to himself before continuing to stare at the engraved letters. He waited for acceptance to take over. But it never came. And so he remained where he stood for as long as his body could physically allow him to before he felt Tim's gentle pat on his shoulder.

"She is safe now, Tony."

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><p><strong>There you go. I really tried by best to relay the story as smooth as possible. But it can get a little crazy. <strong>

**But still, i hope you guys liked it!**** I'm not really sure if I should leave this at it is or continue on with a couple more chapters, so please**** review and do let me know what you guys think.**

**:D**


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